Fuck
I'm such an arsehole of all times not to take my meds!! I hate that i get this way that i i can't even do a simple thing as pick up my tablets and then have to start again. I'm useless i can see what I'm doing to myself but i can't stop it. I make progress then i stumble back even further and now I'm rambling.
Last night was a tough one. One of the toughest yet i think! Every time i started to relax I'd drift back to them final moments and that excruciating pain keeps sneaking up on me I'm sure hourly Today. I really want to curl up in a ball and rip my hair out and scream but i know i need to absorb it all and be strong. It's our princesses birthday tomorrow you would of been bouncing around with excitement ready for her and say you can't believe she's going to be 6. You'd be so proud of her. She talks about you every day still her Uncle Jay's girl bless.