Flashback

This one started whilst looking at a photo of my grampa. Strange! So theses are my thoughts when my head cleared and i calmed down abit.
Loving me comes at a price! If your family you get hurt if your not i get hurt its simple thats why i stay on my own. And i understand now why my brother stays away from me. I hurt him to much . He lost most of his teeth because of me, that morning our mother brought him to my house with his mouth smashed in will haunt me forever 😢 i would of done anything to of taken his place it should of been me. I am so Sorry ❤ he was my idol growing up i always looked up to him always felt i needed his approval i also had an impulse to protect him even though he's nearly 4 yrs older than me. I could never bsre the thought of harm coming to him i still can't. I miss him so much. I know he loves me in his own way but it still hurts that i caused this wedge between us that i can't fix because i don't even know why it happened. Will i ever know do i dare hunt out answers is that why I'm getting the flashbacks. Who do i ask?