Heart pain really does exist 😔

Wow the pain excruciating tonight
 I was expecting it though with the cleaning frenzy i went on yesterday. (It's what i do when my heads a mess.) I've felt it building all day my chest getting tighter, I've been distracting myself with doing things blasting music taking carter over the shop and to pick kaydee up from the school bus. Potching around the house etc but I've had to fight the tears all day. I couldn't bare it any more and had to say goodnight to the boys and come shut myself in my room. Its what i do. Best they don't see. Obviously i breakdown in front of them occasionally but they don't need to see me in pain like this. After all I'm their mother I'm suppose to be strong for them but i can't be not when I've lost a part of me. But i am trying. Honestly i am. It just still hurts so much and i miss him so much.